2:00 a.m.
Tired from work, i just got out of the van walking my way to our haus.
I-pod set to shuffle mode. then the music began to play.
"Oh-Ooh... So Much for my Happy Ending..."
As if on cue, my right hand began to move. from fingers... to wrist... to elbow...
on perfect synchrony from the cold breeze blowing on my face. Strong yet relaxing.
Then the left arm followed making a perfect line on a la seconde position. waving... a little bit of head bobbing.
"You were all the things i thought i new, and i thought we could be..."
My Upper trunk started to move on circular patterns. I feel light. maybe the moon's gravity is pulling me like the sea water on a high tide. then my legs started to get restless. a series of Battement fondu développé on a la seconde. then pique turns. I wonder if i'm doing it right. but who cares. i just wanna express what i feel.
"You were everything, everything that i wanted. we were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it..."
Slight head bobbing turned to violent banging. with free movements of the hands and body, a violent yet artistic scene like crumping turned lyrical. then a double pirouette. Turns... kicks... jumps... Head and arm throws... On a pale moon light. The wind spoke to me.
...You are a dancer...
It wasn't clear if it's a statement or an interrogation. still i continued dancing then i replied thru movement.
I used to believe i'm a dancer. with angst and all due respect. They made me feel and realize that i'm not after all.
"All this time i was pretending. so much for my happy ending"
On Right leg front extension with the left leg on fondu. Segue to arabesque, to enveloppe, a hitch turn then grand jete. I feel light. Then the wind spoke again.
...You are a dancer... But now you are dancing for yourself...
Then the lyrical movement continued to pour out of my body epressing angst, anger, frustrations. heavy movements yet each compliments and connects with each other. A right turn followed by right leg developpe a la seconde on flexed foot and head throw to the left. I feel the pain of each muscle as i stretch every single limb. but it's numbing and somehow soothing. This is my last dance.
On cue...
The music faded...
"So Much For My Happy Ending..."
I pressed the doorbell button..
"Tatay, I'm Home..."
(n): From the Words Club and Hubby. Hence Clubby
1. Someone you meet at a club Saturday night while you're doing your stuff on the dance floor. Will say Hi and will ask for your mobile number.
2. Someone whom you will have a chain of text conversations the Sunday after with slight kilig and smile on your face everytime you hear the phone beep.
3. Someone who will ask you out on Monday telling that you need a know-each-other-more converstion. Ofcourse you will decline coz it's a week starter. got lots of workin' to do.
4. Someone who will get hurt on Tuesday because you refuse to go out with him the day before and will not text until the end of the day. "goodnight... miss u"
5. Someone who will try his luck again on Wednesdayand will ask you to go to wednesday superclubs for a round of getting-to-know-you stuff. Ofcourse you'll go.
6. Someone whom you'll wake up with Thursdaymorning and will try to start the day with an intelligent conversation but will end up in a steamy escapade before you hit the shower and go to work...Late.
7. Someone whom you will not text the whole Fridaybecause he's not the type of guy for your consumption. Or your just making up an excuse because he is..... =>
8. Someone whom you will try to ditch on a Saturdaymorning beacuse it's the week end party at the Superclubs and you are in dire need of a new Clubby!
So I received an email at work earlier with the subject "URGENT" from my self-confessed-hopeless-romantic-but-not-a-romantic-novel-fan friend Aris M. I thought it was really urgent, but then he sent me this mini-essay (as i call them) which i find interesting and share-worthy. The author, Christopher Hudspeth, and I share things in common like the style of writing and how emo we are all at the same time when it comes to love stuff. Maybe that is why i fell in love with this piece right away after reading it. I love tragedies. But don't get me wrong, im not JADED, im just CYNICAL! Here Goes....
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How I Won Her Back: A Love Story
By Christopher Hudspeth
I’ve seen it happen in the movies countless times, so I know how it works. There are plenty of options here. Going to her home and gently tossing pebbles at her window until she is startled awake. When she pulls back the curtains she’ll be overwhelmed with joy to see me. I’ll say something beautifully romantic and everything will be peachy. Or perhaps it’ll be more intense than that; I’ll walk up to her as rain pours down heavily, soaking the both of us. We’ll argue briefly — but only out of love. Eventually the right words will be said, and we’ll embrace each other, kissing as barrages of raindrops pelt us and Maroon 5 plays in the background. It’ll be perfect.
With much confidence in love and a strong faith, I begin the process of winning her back. I text her, she calls me; we plan a specific time to meet up and talk about things. The day is a blur. I can’t recall any details from the day because it’s as if nothing happens up until the moment I’m driving to see her. I hit every green light — is that an omen to go through with this? I’d like to think so.
The ride is over quickly. I step out of the car catching a glance of the overcast and a whiff of the rainy air. It’s evident that it’ll be pouring soon, could this get any more perfect? I wish I’d noticed that then. It was suspicious how ideal things had gone. The ease of getting a hold of her, the simplicity of setting up a meeting, the green lights guiding me to her, and the flawless rain storm brewing in the skies above. This was unfolding in textbook, picture-perfect fashion.
She comes outside to greet me. Her face makes it evident that she’s still hurt, but obviously glad to see me. We walk toward each other quickly and embrace. Never has a hug felt so good — this is heaven. I ramble hastily, pouring my heart out about how I truly feel. That I miss her more than any words can describe, that my love for her is infinite, and I don’t want to go through this crazy life, in this f-cked up world without her.
The tears stream down her face as she explains her side of the story. She feels the same as I do, and in that moment I feel a sensation that makes me the happiest man on earth. To have thoroughly believed we were going to be apart for good, and to finally be back together — it was beautiful. People always say you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone, but that was never the case for me. I always knew how much I loved, cared for and valued this amazing woman — we just had a couple of recurring issues. But in that moment it didn’t matter what past conflicts we’ve dealt with, because we’re with each other and we’re going to get through this struggle.
Then I hear something in the distance. It’s not thunder, although I wish it were. The noise is disappointingly familiar, but my mind struggles to recognize its exact origin and create an explanation. It grows closer, but I still can’t pinpoint it. I pull back from the hug to look at her, and slowly she starts dissolving. The sound begins consuming everything, echoing loudly, shaking the walls of the world. I try to tighten my hold of her but she continues to melt from my grasps. Something pulls me. Its grip is tight and she’s disintegrating out of my hands. I realize that I’m mentally incapable of holding on any longer. I succumb to its strength, being cruelly sucked out of a void. It was a dream. I’m awake now. The alarm continues ringing until I muster up the strength to roll over and shut it off. Heart wrenchingly disappointed, I’ve arrived back to reality. A loveless reality where I’ve won nothing, and still lost everything.
2:00 a.m.
