Hey love. It's kinda warm and fuzzy today. It's been what, 5 days since I last saw you and I dunno why I’m missing you, so bad I wanna pull you out of my thoughts. That’s probably why I’ve decided to write about you, about us.
Not to be cheesy or anything, I just wanna tell you everything I feel. In case I haven't told you yet, or haven't made you feel the total potential of my love yet. Here goes...
I Love You.
I don't wanna admit I like you, the first time I saw you, but at that moment, seeing you walk towards me, I was love stoned. Like I’m trying to decipher what you were thinking. If you like me too or you're just out there to play. But when you asked for my name that night, I almost spit the martini on you. Then you smiled and that's it. We danced the night away. Who wouldn’t like you're tall, yuppie, rich physique. I mean, like anyone in the gay world I know would die to have a bite out of that perfectly sculptured body. I was a mess that night, that first night we met. All drunk and make-up smudged. You were still smiling. That smile I won’t forget even if they let me smoke the harshest weed in the world. I was like, damn why the fuck are you smiling? Is my eyeliner on my cheeks now? Then you said, I was amazing (I was thinking then, you haven't seen the bed scene yet and you’re telling me I’m amazing). So the clingy me gave in. I was singing in my head "One Night" by The Corrs. But that night was my first disappointment. You took me home, gave me a kiss and then bye. So much for my happy ending huh.
I’m surprised you called the day after. And the day after that. And during the times that we're together. You never failed to make me feel how happy you are when you're with me. It was too good to be true, it still is till now. I still can't believe it's you, happening to me. It’s US.
Thank You.
Thank you for those times you just let me yell out of frustration form a fight or fatigue from work. You always know that one squeeze of my hand and one kiss will do the trick. Thank you for loving all my crazy friends. You know how much ties mean to me. Thank you for making my nanay laugh like I’ve never heard her laughed before. By the way, she followed your advice to color her hair blonde. Now she looks like short hair Coco Lee. Ha-ha Thank you for being that person I can be comfortable with, for telling me how good I look even without make up. Thank you for those little stuff like not going to sleep yet till I’m at work. Thank you for never failing to pick me up after work. You’re like my driver I didn't sign up for, you know. ;-) Thanks for cutting business trips when you miss me. And to top the perks of having you as a boyfriend, I just love it when you hold my hand in public, walking like a proud boyfriend. And I was like yelling inside my head "yes, I’m his bitch, bitches". I love the way you get mad at me whenever I curse at people, the way you purse your lips whenever you’re uncomfortable. And I love how I throw myself at you when you are mad and uncomfortable, hug you like there's no tomorrow. Thank you for being you, for loving me. You made me, continue making me, experience the love I never imagined existed. Minsan nga iniisip ko what good have I done to deserve you. We'll I guess I was like mother Theresa during my past life that I deserve a great karma in your form.
Most of all, thank you for fixing me. Like a mechanic to a failing car, like a good Cardiologist to an ailing heart. I was a complete mess before I met you. Clinging to people for temporary love which I thought will last. Giving myself short of the love I think I deserve. Allowing people I thought who loved me treat me like shit. I almost lost myself in the process. I’m at the edge of giving up. THEN YOU CAME. You waited and patiently cured me. It’s like Tinkerbelle’s pixie dust, instant euphoria and complete sanity (yeah, the comparison is so gay, but so what). You gave me the medicine that once destroyed me, like that flu vaccine shot we were dreading to take. Love once wrecked me, then you showed me how it felt like. the things I forgot. the feelings I buried. You gave everything in exact proportion, if not overflowing. I wouldn’t go that way again coz I know I have you. I have us.
Alam mo bang you're more than what I’ve prayed for? You are my answered prayer. A friend, a partner, a lover, a tamer, a fixer. All in one.
I love you not only because of all the stuff I mentioned above. It's more than that. Reasons I can’t explain. Or probably, I can’t explain it because it transcends reason. Every day with you is like a fairytale being written. I love how being quiet with you, cuddling, brings that satisfaction I’ve been always craving. Tranquility, Peace, Magic. At first I can’t believe it, being loved like this. You believed in me, and you made me believe in myself too. I know you hate me cursing but I cannot think of any other word to intensify the feeling,
TANGINA, ANG SWERTE KO SA'YO! PARA KANG JACKPOT SA LOTTO!
(You're like a lottery price and I'm lucky to have you)
And tonight, I’m bringing you back to the place where we first met. Only different, you are now in a place where you should be, in my heart. And me in yours. I'll never get tired of you. And about that question you asked 5 days ago that I said I’ll think about...
YES, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I LOVE YOU...
"To infinity and Beyond" - Buzz Lightyear
To My Future,
From Dixie, with LOVE…
